


she's not there

by lydtograce



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 | Luciel Choi's Route, Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, POV 707 | Luciel Choi, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 22:59:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9145894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydtograce/pseuds/lydtograce
Summary: she's not real, is she?





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at three am whilst procastinating my zumin series, so expect grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes and oocness.

When he rolls over to run a tan and lazy hand through her hair, fingers fiddling with stray and wispy strands that rebel against the rest, he pauses - for she is no longer there. Instead there is Yoosung; sat upright, clutching a bowl of cereal (of which Luciel had just accidentally plunged a hand into), and observing him with an almost cautious gaze. Luciel frowns. Yoosung letting himself into their house is nothing new; he's the godfather of their child, after all (the eldest child, anyway; eleven year old Shyoto) - and often lets himself into the household, to assist his godchild with the installation of their newest fascination. 

What is new, however, is her absence, the look Yoosung is offering towards him, the silence of the home. Usually, it's broken by the cries of adolescents; Shyoto teasing his younger sister (his junior only by two years. Plus, Mila's an incredibly mature nine year old - she insists such), the toddler - tiny little Rei - shaking his chubby fists as he cheers on whatever mischievous deed his elder siblings are partaking in. It's strange; ever so strange. And so he would inquire about it; milk stained hand rubbed on the blanket coating his form, gaze craned towards Yoosung - of whom slowly eats his cereal, remaining sat upright in the chair he'd drawn up beside the bed. "Why's it so quiet? Did she take the kids out for a walk, or something? It's kinda early for a walk."

A hand moves, to rub the sleep away from his eyes - and only then does he note the scratches upon his wrist; old and faded, though glaringly evident when the sleeve of his pajamas fell away. Luciel frowns; lines about his eyes hardening. Did he do that to himself? He has no reason to! Happily married for twelve years, to the woman of his dreams - three delightful children, of whom he was thankful for every day. Luciel's gaze narrowed, before moving to flicker about the room.

This isn't his house; the walls are white - blindingly clean and bright. And a glance sideways at Yoosung draws him to frown; his friend... his brother-in-law... He seems younger, as if he holds the youthful glow he'd withheld so many years ago. The wrinkles surrounding his eyes had dissipated, grey hairs non existent. Luciel would release a chuckle, head inclined as he spoke "What? You take a trip in a time machine or something? You know, when I made that joke at your wedding about Saeran building a time machine, it _was_ just a joke. Didn't expect him to take it serious and build one for you."

Yoosung's meal seemed to have ceased; bowl of cereal placed aside as he observes Luciel - expression one that could only be translated as pity; sympathy. Luciel squirmed, under such a glance, shaking his head, "God, you're even turning into your husband. He makes people feel uncomfortable with his facial expression, too. But that's why we love him, eh? I mean, me in a brotherly way and you in a... less than brotherly way, but still! We love him!" Cracking a grin, his hand moved to gently hit the silent male's arm, expectant gaze flitting about the room. "So, what happened? Is it like Zen's bachelor party? I got really drunk and Jaehee insisted you bring me into a hospital because she's afraid I've got alcohol poisoning? God, that was a night. Can you remember Jumin's face when we told him that we hired strippers for his husband? God, he could've rivalled the devil himself with that look."

And then Yoosung speaks; voice slow, tone quiet, head shaking, "Seven, I don't remember that. It... It never happened. You know that, right? You know that? You know that Jumin and Zen aren't married? That I... That I don't even _know_ anyone called Saeran? You know that, don't you?" He knows. He does. But he doesn't want to know. Because if all that isn't real, then that means that she isn't real. And Luciel isn't sure that he could deal with that truth - not after imagining so much with her. He offers up a counter argument; voice close to hoarse, "It was so vivid. Everything... You, you were married to my brother. You had a daughter. And... And Jaehee was this successful business woman, and Jumin... Jumin was successful too, and Zen was famous. All the magazines called them a power couple, can you believe? V... V was happy. And Rika was back, somehow. They were happy together. And I... I had her, this great wife, and now you're telling me it's not real?  
That she's not real?"

Yoosung's look strikes Luciel with a feeling of pittance, and he averts his gaze; eyes squeezed tightly shut. And then Yoosung spoke again, and his fists tightened their hold on his blankets; "She was real. You were together, for a few months. I remember, even if you don't. We were all heading home; me, you, her, the RFA. All of us, you were driving and she was in the passenger seat. And... And... The roads were icy, Seven. The car spiraled out of control. We crashed. There's nothing that you could've done to prevent it, you know? Me and you, we made it out okay. Jaehee... Jaehee was rushed into intensive care, died on the operating table. I was fine, so was Jumin. And you, actually. We got away with a few scars on our faces, but no biggie. Zen... Zen died a couple days later. Something about a bleed on the brain? I don't remember. They spoke to Jumin, not me. The doctors did. And Jumin doesn't really talk about it much." 

Yoosung drew a trembling breath inwards, and Luciel met his gaze - equally pained. "V wasn't in the car, but he went AWOL. They found his body in a river, a couple days later. We think he jumped. Couldn't deal with the loss of so many people." A harsh laugh was released, as the blonde shook his head, "That left me, Jumin, and you. But you blamed yourself. And so did Jumin. I don't think he took Zen's death too well. Nor Jaehee's. Nor... Nor anyone's. He was a wreck. An utter wreck. And then he left. Just up and left. Didn't want to be here, surrounded by so many memories. I haven't spoken to him in months. It wouldn't surprise me if he followed V's example, considering the state I last saw him in."

Luciel's head fell, gaze direct in any angle - so long as he didn't have to meet Yoosung's purple hued stare. All this death... This pain. And Luciel knew exactly who to blame. It had been his fault; he was the driver. He was the one who could've prevented everything - it appeared Yoosung could read his mind, considering the nexts words out of his mouth would be "You blamed yourself, naturally. Started... Starting hurting yourself. Jumin and I tried to stop you. But you lashed out. And then Jumin left, and you tried so so hard to do it; to kill yourself." Yoosung's voice shattered; cheeks stained with the tears he allowed to fall freely. He released a short, yet pained laugh, "Fuck you, Luciel Choi. Trying to leave me all on my own. Fuck... fuck you." And Yoosung's head fell into Luciel's lap - shoulders trembling as his body was seemingly engulfed by sobs. This was too much for him, Luciel knew. Too much for them both. Pressing a light kiss atop his friend's blonde hair,  
Luciel's eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"We'll see them again, someday."

"You promise?"

" _I promise._ "

**Author's Note:**

> the last conversation is left ambiguous so that you can decide who's saying what.


End file.
